


No light, no light

by wanttoflyhigh



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Disturbing Themes, Drama, F/F, F/M, Quadrant Confusion, Quadrant Vacillation, Questionable Themes, Romance, Suicide Attempt, Victim Blaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-14
Updated: 2013-10-14
Packaged: 2017-12-29 10:28:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1004320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanttoflyhigh/pseuds/wanttoflyhigh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's pitch black, and Terezi feels like for the first time in a long while she can't see. Only then does a little light shine in, even if she doesn't notice it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No light, no light

Terezi couldn’t even remember how long it’s been since she’s been in so much pain. Even without a blind fold she can tell that he is pretty excited with cavorting around, or whichever that word it was to describe merriment somehow while being punched in the face. At this point she is sure that she is done and out for the count. The blows aren’t something she can’t exactly make to fade to the background and somewhere in her head, a voice whispers, _This is what you deserve for your mistakes_ , even if that’s not necessarily the most correct thing. No, it’s (probably) wrong. She doesn’t know anymore, whether things are strictly black or white anymore, because for sure all she can see are shades of grey.

If she can even see anything else anymore other than what the concrete she’s being beat upon or where she’s had her head slammed upon.

He’s not even saying anything, but he really doesn’t have to, and she doesn’t have the chance to say anything that isn’t a struggled noise or a gurgle as her own teal blood slides down her lips or just violently is spat from them. She has wondered if this was what the pain Vriska had to have gone through when she was beaten by Aradia.

It’s still probably not the same.

It makes Terezi feel like the worse, it makes her want to die, which she is sure it’s something that Gamzee can even manage. She gives up on a quick, instant death at his hands. Even if it’s not what she wants, part of her still thinks she doesn’t deserve it. But she’s tired of fighting back, especially if she can’t even get a window of opportunity to kill him. It’s not like she didn’t have her chance, right?

The tealblood used to think that those sided on ‘good’ were destined or supposed to win against those who weren’t. It was only natural; that’s how things were supposed to be. But she’s learning too much too late. Why is that?

The tears streaming down her cheeks are proof of that, as she spots the absolute glee in Gamzee’s eyes, his expression, yet also tainted with that diabolical RAGE aspect of his. Not even seeing into the future could save her, right?

He doesn’t need to say anything for Terezi to remember when he would whisper and call her something like his motherfucking pet. To remember when she used to strike out, shoving at him and calling him a washed up, half-assed miracle in return. Even in her own despair, she knew how to lash out, but then his hand came down, or fist, and everything changed. Chucklevoodoos, not completely mind controlling (it was still impossible with her) but utilized just enough that Terezi couldn’t even think of seeing Vriska, of thinking of telling anyone out loud even if someone figured it out.

She had been falling so deep. She wondered how ridiculous she looked, how many times she’s lashed out, running on her own, obsidian attraction to the clown and not her own despair or fear, and yet he’s lashed out at her painfully for ‘talking back’ or ‘misbehaving’. It certainly felt good in the rare moments when he touched her, yet they certainly never went all the way, because then he’d change it up, whispering horrid things about her sight. Blaming her for Vriska’s death, and she could only tremble in those arms, struggling not to cry, feeling trapped. She felt she deserved all of it then, and no part of her denied it. It eventually became a routine of sorts, in which she felt herself drowning in.

Then, when Dave pulled away, she blamed herself even more for it. It was her fault, and who was she to try to deny or assign the blame anywhere else?

Part of her screamed she needed help. The other part said that if she got help she wouldn’t be subscribing to the sentence--the punishment she deserved.

She knew others were standing around now. It was hard not to focus on anything else, and all the same to focus on anything else besides the pain, and Gamzee. She can sense, sort of ‘smell’ their presence. One of which she certainly expected to react, while the other was simply an unknown.

The fact no one stepped in convinced Terezi in her last moments, or what she thought were, that she really did deserve this.

Then, encompassing darkness. No more pain.

Freedom.

...

She doesn’t even have much of a chance to look for Vriska before she’s awake again.

Terezi sat up quickly, and coughed, into her hand, surprised as well as confused. From what she could tell, she’s alive, but the question is why. She felt excruciating pain all over. She reached over to touch the back of her head and flinched, feeling the wet blood that sort of dried but didn’t. She found that her cane was nearby when she took a peek around, from underneath the blindfold. Hesitantly, she grabbed a hold of it, and then, she turned her head -- there he was. Just sitting there or standing, watching her.

The Seer felt her breath catch in her throat, and then he’s crushing his lips against hers. She feebly tries to pull away, but he’s placed a hand against the small of her back, bringing forth a bloom of pain from there, and he’s whispered, teal and indigo-bloodied lips whispering, “Now I know you aren’t up AND MOTHERFUCKING RESISTING ME, are you?”

Scared, lips trembling she presses hers back against his when he pulls back. He continues to kiss her as she begins at one point coughing blood, into the kiss. Then he punches her across the face and she’s let go of the cane, her body shaking, lying prone there. Gamzee crawls on top of her, pressing his lips against her neck, and slipping a hand, down in between them, to rest on her hip.

Terezi begins to panic, but she’s too weak, too weak to resist him. Thankfully, he lifts himself off of her as she’s feeling lightheaded and filled with a new kind of fear. “Good girl. STAY HERE IF YOU KNOW WHAT’S MOTHERFUCKING GOOD FOR YOU.”

He’s off and gone.

The teal Seer scrambles, ignoring the screaming pain, her fingers grabbing her cane. It’s probably only due to her being such a high blood, even if it’s teal, that she’s still alive. She stumbles through the forest where he’s dropped her off in, and she’s looking to fix it. She hurries as she reaches, closer, towards oblivion, since she couldn’t slit her own throat (it’s too much), and her feet are near the edge. She gulps, then she takes a step forward.

But someone grabs her. “Aw hell, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING, TERECITA?”

Terezi screeches and screams, lashing out, trying to get Gamzee to drop her but instead he just throws her back onto the forest floor. Even that’s enough to make her black out again.

The others, who most certainly hear that, and had left the forest earlier after Gamzee and Terezi’s near-fatal battle, begin to head back, figuring out where exactly he had taken the troll.

...

“Terezi?”

Terezi’s eyes snap wide open when she hears the spidertroll’s voice. She sits up in her bed, and then winces. She looks around, to spot she’s in a room, and bandaged up. Confused, she asks, “V...Vriska? You’re...alive?”

Then she hears the snort from the other girl who comes over to her, lips hovering against her own, and she feels her heart stop a bit. Vriska has always been so much more attractive than she has, and with her blindfold off she can see it all, even if things haven’t changed for the other girl. It’s remained static, unchanged. She feels wrong for a part of her wishing that Vriska would kiss her and she can’t sort the feelings from the others. It’s all stuck in a horrid blender -- so much regret placed with those other feelings.

Vriska’s eyes are searching, staring at Terezi’s own eyes as she murmurs, “Yeah. Yeah I am.”

Terezi feels her eyes begin to become wet again as tears slipped down her bruised cheeks as Vriska hugs her, pulling her in close for a hug. She begins to sob loudly on her, fingers tightening in Vriska’s shirt as she begins to apologize. Vriska makes soft ‘shhing’ noises, and it sounds so weird, coming from her. Then she says, “Terezi, what do you want? I can give it to you.”

“...S....stay with me...”

Terezi hiccuped, still crying a little, as she continued to hold onto her. Then she pulled away, and the tealblood looked up at her, trying to smile, at least a little. But it fell when she realized that something was wrong... the way Vriska was looking at her was wrong. Vriska was looking at her like she was going to be her victim and she just realized at that moment her eyes widened, the spidertroll’s grip on her shoulders squeezed tight to the point where it hurt. “How did it feel, Pyrope? For you to die?”

Vriska grinned as she leaned in, whispering, “You’re so naive, that I would actually care about you.”

Terezi then struggled to get out of the spider’s grip, before she was thrown to the ground. Which now appeared to be grass rather than carpeting, and the bandages disappeared, leaving the girl in the memory of her dying at the hand of Gamzee. She supposed that the wounds had become too much, and now she lay there, looking like quite the bloody mess. She heard from behind her, “Remember when you schemed with Gamzee to kill us all? Guess it came to bite you in the ass, after all, huh?”

The Seer picks herself up, wiping at her mouth. “You’ve got the wrong Terezi. I’m sorry.”

The alternate Vriska growled aiming a kick at her face and very much meeting with her cheek and sending her back to the ground. “Like hell I do! Now that I’ve found you I’m going to make you pay!”

Terezi can hear herself sigh as she’s rubbing at her cheek, raising to her feet, but she isn’t in the mood to fight. So she lets this Vriska do what she wants. She’s being hit and kicked here or there, and hell she figures she’s dead now so what does it matter? One more beating to add to the many others. “Why aren’t you fighting back YOU STUPID BITCH?!”

It’s causing a painful myriad of memories to arise, but Terezi believes she’s so broken that it doesn’t matter anymore.

The tealblood looked up at her, and she had decided to change into a more beautiful wear which she’s recognized as ANCESTRAL AWAKENING. She decides that for a brief second, alternate Terezi sure has a lot to answer to make this Vriska so much in the right. But then again, that Terezi is still her. “What’s the point? Would that make you feel any better?”

Terezi spat to the ground her own blood, then she walks up to Vriska and gently pats her cheek with her fist, giving her a bloody grin. “There, I punched you in the face. Are you happy now?”

Vriska stared at her dumbfounded, then she sort of calls off her clothing. “I can’t do this. I’m sick of your bullshit, Pyrope. You did this on purpose to make me angry and so I can strike back and make YOU win. I figure it allllllll out!”

Terezi snips, raising an eyebrow, “That you forgot you got angry on your own beforehand?”

The cerulean troll growls, poking Terezi in the chest multiple times and it sure does sting. “Don’t be a smart ass! That was your fault.”

This honestly brings back good memories, besides the ass-kicking. She laughs, even though it hurts. Vriska growls, and grabs her by her collar pulling her forward so she can mash her lips against hers in a painful way, because that is exactly how it goes. Plus her lip is kind of already bleeding. So attractive.

Terezi just shoves her away, and then she slaps Vriska across the face. “You have a lot of nerve to kiss me after you were getting your bulge hard kicking my ass.”

Vriska snarled, feeling her face color at those words, and then grabbed her by the collar, asking, “Then why the hell did you take the beating then, huh?”

The once-blind troll simply replies, “I never said I wanted to be in a relationship with you. At least not that kind. This Terezi is me, right? It’s just a beating that was coming that I deserved--whether it was to me or her.”

The cerulean blood just lets her go and mutters, “Fuck, do you even hear yourself speaking? It sounds screwed up.”

Terezi then begins to walk away, or more like stumbling away. She places her hand on the trees nearby, saying nothing as she distances herself. She pants a little, wishing the memory would wash away these wounds. This makes it unnecessarily difficult. She was breathing hard and assumed that beating took more out of her than she thought.

She feels something lift an arm of hers and swing it around something--what. Terezi looked up to see that alternate Vriska, carrying her along, who murmured a barely heard, “Sorry.”

The tealblood opens her mouth to say something, but then she doesn’t.

...

Terezi’s eyes widened when she felt Vriska pull her somewhere and it was the memory of a beach and an ice cream stand. She immediately took off her shoes and socks, soaking her feet in the water. Then, Vriska pulled her pants down and she squeaked. “Man you didn’t see that one coming, huh?! Nice boxers, Pyrope!”

The teal blood pouted and then with shaky, nervous hands pulled down Vriska’s pants to reveal spider-themed boxers, and this made her grin when she noticed the highblood’s blue blush. “Fuck you!!!!!!!!”

Terezi is laughing until Vriska growls and rips off the tealblood’s top half, easily exposing her red sports bra and cutting off her laugh. The Thief is staring at the myriad of bruises here and there. That haven’t faded away, easily seen on her back and all over her front, especially her stomach. “Terezi...what the hell is this?”

The tealblood chokes out, with a forced smile, “Memories.”

Then the girl runs off, leaving Vriska standing there, feeling like the biggest idiot ever. She chases after her after awhile. Then the blueblood pauses in her chase to imagine up some red ice cream. The perfect lure.

Soon enough that gets Terezi coming back, wearing her FLARP uniform, and snatches the ice cream right out of Vriska’s hands, eating at it. “Help me find my Vriska.”

Vriska turned her head to look at her. “Tell me what happened to you first.”

So Terezi did, her voice choking at the end, speeding up her eating of the delicious ice cream morsel, and that makes this Vriska turn to look at her. She stands closer, and leans in to gently wipe at the remains of red along the tealblood’s lip. Terezi shudders under the touch and it makes the other troll’s heartbeat race, although she’s confused as to why this is happening now. The way the Seer is looking at her, with her pupils dilating is more than enough evidence for her why exactly soon enough.

Then Terezi backs up quickly, looking to the side. “Let’s just go.”

Vriska’s hand just falls to the side. “Alright.”

...

While they’re walking, Vriska notices the way the girl walks, and well everything about her. It’s just all completely different and absolutely a total change from the Terezi she knows. She desperately wants this Terezi to be her friend. The one who wouldn’t lash out against her, and kill her on some fucked-up version of justice, corrupted by some clown. But at the same time she has hurt this Terezi who’s been fucked up bad by the clown.

Terezi, who’s searching for her Vriska, not the carbon doomed copy standing by her side.

At one point they reach a place with dark skies and a tall castle, which is certainly where she knows where the real, alpha Vriska is. Before Terezi goes any further, the alternate timeline Vriska wraps her arms around her waist. “Vriska, let go--”

The alternate thief begins to pat Terezi’s head and then rub her back, which is making her shake. There are fingers slowly caressing her cheek now. “I didn’t get to tell you that’s it’s going to be alright.”

Terezi asks back, her voice shaking, “How is it going to be alright? Nothing’s going to be, not anymore. Not anymore...”

Vriska pulls away from her and Terezi doesn’t want her to. “It’s going to be just fine. Hell, looking at you and spending a little time with you made me realize what I need to do. I can’t read your mind, and neither can Gamzee.”

Then the other Vriska just rubs the back of her own head and said, “Jeez, I’m pretty shitty at this. Just...go get her tiger.”

“I don’t want to. Not yet.”

Terezi steps towards the confused girl again, forcing her to move up against a rock jutting out of place, and grabs her shoulders as she presses her lips against Vriska’s. She begins to press more insistently against her lips, and when she doesn’t feel them press back, tears begin to fall down her cheeks. She murmurs against them, “Please...please...kiss me back...”

Awkwardly, the other Vriska kisses her back, and then slides her hands down to the tealblood’s hips. Then she feels the girl press up against her. Terezi’s tongue licked along the cerulean blood’s lips before she sucked on them and Vriska, in her excitement, presses one of her hands against her crotch, underneath her cheongsam. Terezi gasps, eyes widening, and her hips move, as she craves that amazing touch against the skin-tight costume. She’s begging her and so Vriska continues to press her fingers against that spot, against the spot that easily gives when she does. “A-ah, ah!”

Terezi’s lips tremble, as do the rest of her body, as the girl above her swallows hard, and Vriska keeps rubbing and squeezing against Terezi’s clothed crotch, who just moans desperately against her mouth now and she manages to slip her fingers into that clothing. “D-don’t s-stop...”

_Honk._

Terezi freezes, nerves going as cold as ice, and Vriska immediately stops, pulling her somewhat teal-stained hand out and away. “Pyrope?”

The tealblood started shivering and crying, making Vriska swear. She looked over and saw this odd corruption of darkness from a memory forming over behind where they started walking into this bubble. Vriska just picks up Terezi and flutters high above, into the castle at the speed of light.

...

Terezi finds herself set down by the alternate Vriska and soon, her Vriska who has braid comes over to her, quickly in a blur of blue. She starts to panic, not knowing what to say to the cerulean blood she knows and begins, “Vriska, I--”

She feels arms encircling her, and bringing her close. Terezi’s eyes widened, as she looked at the girl in front of her, who was still taller than her, but looked like every other Vriska except with the clothes she was wearing and obvious hairstyle. Terezi can only squeak, as she feels herself squeezed. “I missed you, Pyrope.”

Terezi looks at the girl in front of her and she leans her head against her shoulder, and before she knows it, she feels a finger tilting her chin up so she can look into those white empty eyes. Hers must look the same.

Oh no.

She’s thinking about it again. Every. Single. Detail.

She’s starting to feel the pain from those punches, when she was-- she feels sick and disgusting. All those feelings of self-revulsion coming back in full force, and she’s just shaking in her arms. Vriska is holding her closer with surprising gentleness. “Who killed you, Pyrope?”

When she asks the question, Terezi has never thought she ever heard her seem so calm. But it was the worst kind of anger she could smell underneath. Peaceful furiosity. She murmurs his name and tells her everything, too. She can see her anger now, and Terezi is afraid, on one sense that it might be directed at her. She can’t help it, but it’s different with the Vriska she knows.

She watches Vriska first punch her other self, then naturally her alternate growls, stepping forward about to do the same. Then Terezi steps in between them when a fight is going to happen. “Stop it you two!”

The two spidertrolls look at each other again and then at Terezi. Then a small idea comes to both of them, and they just hug the smaller troll. The alpha Vriska says, “This is what you really deserved. I mean really, sisters stick together! Ain’t that right?”

Terezi nodded and allowed herself to sink into both their embraces. Then her Vriska whispered in her ear, “Forget everything but this for the moment. You’re the only one who’s bothered to even seek me now. So I’m going to try my best so I don’t lose you again. Pyrope, I...”

The alternate Vriska smirks and says, “We’re both in love with you.”

The Seer says nothing as her face turns a spectacular shade of teal, and her Vriska’s face turns full on blue and then she says, “What the hell?! S-shut up!! I just met her again!”

Terezi kisses both of them on the cheek after a moment of intense bickering between the both of them as she smiles a bit innocently. “I don’t mind having two spidertrolls to watch over. Just try to behave yourselves or else I’ll be bringing out the cuffs.”

Her Vriska blushed even harder while alternate Vriska said, “Man! I guess I’m going to be a bad girl forever, then. Tough shit.”

Meenh just shakes her head as she’s rocking it out on some beanie bag. “You gills have a lot to sort out here.”

Main Vriska wants to say something but her face is still coloring and she is getting extremely flustered.

Terezi then carefully asked, “What’s the plan?”

Her Vriska looked down and said, “Maybe just hang around, you know? I’m not sure if I’m really cut out for this kicking ass shit anymore. Besides, someone will take care of it. If I was always destined to die then someone was always destined to save all of paradox space. It’s out of my hands now.”

The Seers asks, slowly, “What if you’re the one destined to save it all?”

Vriska snorts, playing with her braids a little, and then laughs. “C’mon Pyrope, your jokes are pretty hilarious. I’m pretty sure all I was supposed to do was done. My part is over. And at this point and time all my other friends hate me. What can I possibly hope to save now when I’m like this? I helped John find this weird treasure thing but now he’s off somewhere and he’ll never come back.”

Then she paused, looking down at the girl. “Besides I have done everything I can, as I’ve said. I have everything that I need, with me here. Isn’t Gamzee going to get in the way anyway? He always seems to in some sort of way. With you and me here you can remain safe for sure. We don’t have to worry about anything, anymore! It’s just us.”

Terezi’s eyes widened. “Vriska...but--I can’t run away forever.”

The alternate Vriska said, “I’m not sure if I agree with me completely, but if it includes keeping you away from that clown, why not? Anyway I have things to do. So I’ll see you guys later.”

Then she was off after giving Terezi a wink, which made her blush. “Pyrope, what the hell else did she do to you?”

Terezi shook her head. “Stop being paranoid. She didn’t do anything else!”

Vriska then snapped at her, “How can I be sure?! You’ve already hidden so much from the others. Hell, I’m sure you didn’t tell them every single intricate detail before your...death...otherwise Gamzee would be fucking dead! Why didn’t you say anything?!”

The tealblood began to feel guilty again, about so many things, and gulped, shaking. She whispered quietly, “I...I’m...sorry...i-it was my fault. I was scared.”

The taller girl swallowed, and muttered, “No, don’t-- don’t apologize. Okay? You’re fine as it is. Shit. I didn’t mean...”

Terezi forced a smile, looking up at her. “It’s okay. I mean, I deserved it. If I didn’t get a little yelled after killing you or--”

Vriska was suddenly hugging her tightly, moreso than before, and trembling. Her voice wheezed and cracked in a small whisper of her own as she desperately tried not to cry, “G-goddamnit Pyrope, this is the last thing you deserved. Even if you burned me alive, you don’t deserve what happened to you, so don’t...don’t say that. Fuck, I’ll kill him. I-I’ll find him and fucking kill him! We’re supposed to be friends, who stand with each other. I couldn’t do a damn thing because I had to die, because I just-- even if we both were alive we’d be here dead and not even matter because of paradox space bullshit. It’s not fair, Pyrope. Anything could happen to me, but not this to you. F-fuck...why did this have to happen?!”

Terezi was quiet-- she hadn’t ever seen Vriska like this. At least not in a long awhile. She began to pat her back. “I don’t know. I guess because it was fated to. But at least it brought me here to see you again, and meeting you again means so much to me even if it scared me too for the longest time.”

The tealblood begins to feel her shoulder become wet as her own eyes begin to have tears slip out of them. “I missed you too, Vriska.”

The cerulean blood wants to tell her something else too. But she doesn't know how. So she just keeps on holding her within her arms, and hoping that it would be enough for now.


End file.
